Baby on Hold has been forced to cease operation
-FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE-
La Jolla, California - After 7 years of public operation in over 12 countries "Baby on Hold" and Life on Hold Enterprises is being forced to shut down all operations. Without pointing fingers CEO Lawrence Northbush blames the shutdown on "various political and socioeconomic factors including the weak dollar, fear of inflation, rising cooling and energy costs around the world, antigovernment gorillas in Venezuela, the imminent passing of Fidel Castro, expected unusual solar activity, the increasing threat of Mega-Tsunami, the STUXNET virus, Apple's failure to approve our App, and a very unfortunate (and totally unpredictable and unavoidable) case of spontaneous human combustion, on his yacht, of long time companion Alicia "Madonna" Jackson who reportedly was the only person to know all the passwords to BOH's critical computer systems.
What this means for you?
If you are a customer you will be reimbursed a portion of the total amount paid, minus 20% for every year your fetus was successfully stored. If you wish to have your fetus re-implanted contact us as the "Priority Implantation Service Line" number you were given at the time of original service. Note: There will be a 50% re-stocking fee for implantation at this time. If you wish to discard the fetus simply do nothing.
If you were a prospective customer that had not yet started hormone treatments we are sorry but the service is no longer available. Please consider giving your baby to a local fire house or police department, most of those places will take babies these days. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RAISE YOUR BABY YOURSELF- If you were a perspective customer we have already deemed you unfit to have a baby at this time!
If you have already started our hormone treatments seek immediate medical attention, we will not be able to provide the final dosage. Failure to heed this warning may result in multiple births and/or herpes.
We are happy to announce we struck a deal with a wish-to-be-unamed world power which has eagerly agreed to take any unclaimed fetuses therefore the rumored eBay Auction will no longer be necessary.
On behalf of of the Baby on Hold PR Team, and everyone at Life on Hold Enterprises, I wish to thank all of our bold customers. We made history here. We may not be in any text-books, and we may not be mentioned in any political speeches, but history none the less. The upcoming reality show based on BOH, called "Ice-ice-babies" has also regrettably been cancelled.
UPDATE - May 8, 2012
We are deeply disturbed by this news out of Korea but rest assured we have been assured by Chinese Goverment Officials that this does not involve Baby-On-Hold fetuses.